Hello faithful followers!

I haven't been a very good role model as far as dieting goes. I make no excuses. I am also going to stop being so upset about it and get back on the wagon! I admit, I was bummed about gaining a few pounds but then I realized I have the option to get back on track. I want to see a great change in myself. Not only mentally but physically and with the right mind set, I know I can do this. I am not destined to be fat. I am not destined to be miserable and negative. I am the only one who can change how I view the world.

Every day stresses don't make it easy but I honestly hate being a disappointment so that is another reason I need to do this.

Weight Watchers is the program I am using and recently they revamped their points system to PointsPlus. They are making all fruits (except avocado) 0 points, which is a fabulous change in my opinion. All non-starchy vegetables are 0 points as well. Daily points went up (but so did the point value for some foods.) I was doing 23 points a day with no flex points. Now I am doing 29 points a day and I am bringing back my flex points (for those times where I just NEED to indulge a little.)I have the old points companion book and cookbook but I really need the new updated versions. So I am mostly using the old points system for now. Eat Right. Be Active. Repeat! That is Weight Watchers new motto. I like it. I also like the saying " Eat to live. Don't live to eat."

I am trying to be a little more active. I have been dealing with some health issues so hopefully things will pick back up again for me. I just need to visualize the end result and the end feelings I will have :-)

I now have two children in school full time. Mikey is in first grade, and Nathan is in kindergarten. So, I am home all day with the two little ones. I do the mommy thing all day but I am wanting to branch out a little and do something for myself.

I received my A.A.S degree in Human Services back in May of this year. My husband and I both decided that in order to get a full time job, and work around annoying schedule issues, I would wait until I have all four children in school full time. Which will not be happening for another 3 years.

Well, that is fine with me, but I want to make some extra money. My question here is what do I do with myself? I am a certified respite care provider through the state of NY so I am legally able to work with developmentally disabled people. However, in order to do a lot of that kind of work one needs their license and a vehicle. One of those two things I do not have. A license. Why you ask? Well because of my ongoing struggle with anxiety (but that can be addressed at another time.) I could do it in my home, which is what I am thinking about. I just need to have one room certified for proper usage by the client. If I wanted a full time-live in client I would need to go through the whole process of getting my entire house certified and though that would be doable, I am just not sure if I want that type of commitment.

Then there is the idea of babysitting in my home part time. I don't want to go through the process that it takes to be certified to be a daycare provider. I am sure I could find local people who would allow me to watch their kids but let's be honest here-I don't really "like" other people's children very much. I can tolerate them at best. I am sure once I get my stress and anxiety under control I would feel differently about other people's spawn.

I have also toyed with the idea of going back to a department store. Do I want to do that? I just don't know.

So, what are your thoughts?

It sounds so cliche' but, my husband is the love of my life. My soul mate and my best friend. I have been with Mike for 13 years now. It was like a roller coaster for a few years but whenever push came to shove, we had each others backs. He has been my rock through my entire adult life. I can talk to him about anything. He is the main supporter in my struggle with anxiety. I don't think I tell him enough how much he means to me. I take for granted that he will always be here and I really shouldn't. I can be myself with him and be comfortable.

Mike has seen me at my worst and still expressed his love for me. I am not always the most likable person, and I don't always treat him the way I should but I can not imagine my life without him in it. Just to look into his eyes everyday, and to hug him and kiss him-it still gives me butterflies 13 years into the relationship. We both have our flaws of course, and I have come to be ok with that.

Mike and I are so connected. I can be thinking of something and he will say it. It is strange but very cool :-)

With Mike in my life I know that I will always be loved and I will always be ok because he will make sure of it.

So to update a little about my weight. I went back up to 194 a few weeks ago. Now I am back down to 188 thanks to working out more (YAY Wii Fit Plus) and eating less. Being sick the week of Christmas helped too. At this point, even losing 20 pounds would make me happy. It is so hard. I joke around that I used all my willpower on quitting smoking, but it is true. I have to really push myself to lose weight and to be healthier. When I quit smoking it was easier than this. I know somewhere inside of me there is a skinnier hotter sexier Kelli waiting to get out!